Dear Abby:
I am a
Vietnam-era deserter from the U. S. Army and I have a second cousin who
works for Microsoft. My mother peddles Nazi hate literature to Girl Scouts
and my father (a former dentist) is in jail for 30 years for raping most of
his patients while they were under anesthesia. The sole supporters of our
large family, including myself and my $500-a-week heroin habit, are my uncle
(master pick-pocket Benny "The Fingers") and my aunt and kid
sisters, who are well-known street walkers.
My problem is this: I
have just gotten engaged to the most beautiful, sweetest girl in the world.
She is just sweet sixteen and we are going to marry as soon as she can
escape from reform school. To support ourselves, we are going to move to
Mexico and start a fake Aztec souvenir factory staffed by child labor. We
look forward to bringing our kids into the family business. But -- I am
worried that my family will not make a good impression on hers, once she has
a chance to meet them.
In your opinion, Abby: Should I -- or
shouldn't I -- let her know about my second cousin who works for
Microsoft?
|
